Empress Sarah's Star Wars Parody Crackfic

Princess Deja Vu of Alderaan found herself most impertinently surrounded by stormtroopers and led, in cuffs, to a holding cell aboard the dreaded, newly built, Death Star. The sweet-tempered, pretty princess did not have to wait long for her interrogator to enter her cell. She managed to withstand the feathers and the promise of chocolates - to the frustration of the interrogation officer. However, it would appear her will would soon be stretched thin as the infamous, dark, hulking, intimidating figure known as Darth Moyima entered the cell. The Sith Lady's mechanical breathing soon engulfed the small space and Princess Deja Vu found herself afraid.

"You will tell us where the Rebel base is," commanded the deep contralto voice from within the dark helmet. "If you do not, I shall be forced to shave your head."

"NOOOOOOO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Sobbed the young princess. "I'll tell you! Dantooine! They're on Dantooine!" In the background, Tarkin grumbled disappointedly before having a heart attack and dropping down dead which, unfortunately for the corpse, no one noticed. Darth Moyima, satisfied with the information she had received, left Princess Deja Vu alone in her little, cold, miserable holding cell. Time passed slowly and what could have been days or mere hours later, a slender stormtrooper entered her cell.

"Aren't you a little slender to be a stormtrooper?" she asked dryly.

"Huh? Oh! No," and here the stormtrooper took off his helmet revealing a young woman around the age of twenty-two, "I'm Sarah Skywatcher. I'm here to rescue you. ...I think. It was either you or some guy named George Lucas. Oh well. What are you waiting for? Old Ben Kenobi's taking care of the generator, Han and Chewie are doing who knows what, the two robots are probably causing trouble, and we gotta get moving!"

After running all over, dodging laser blasts, and shooting many a stormtrooper in the tush, everyone eventually made their way back to the hangar bay. Everyone, except for Old Ben Kenobi who was really ObiWan Kenobi, Jedi. He had been the one to train Sarah's mother, Angela Skywatcher, who had been betrayed and murdered by her friend and fellow padawan, Darth Moyima, shortly after she had been born. Hearing the sounds of lightsabers clashing, Sarah turned and stood in shock as she watched Old Ben and Darth Moyima duel. Purple clashed with green as Sith fought Jedi. The old Jedi looked over at Sarah and made eye contact with her before turning off his lightsaber and letting Darth Moyima kill him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET KILLED! I'M GOING TO BE TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE!" Sarah screamed. The aforementioned scream caught the Sith Lady's attention and the dark one was in front of the traumatized Skywatcher in mere seconds.

"And you are?" inquired the deep, slightly feminine voice. Princess Deja Vu kept pulling at Sarah's arm, urging her to get into the ship. Sarah ignored the princess and glared stubbornly at the one she should fear.

"Sarah Skywatcher, daughter of Angela Skywatcher whom you killed."

"ObiWan did not tell you the truth of what happened to your mother."

"Well, he obviously told me you killed her. Murderer!"

"No," and here the mechanical voice paused, "I am your mother." Sarah Skywatcher could only stare in shock as Princess Deja Vu finally managed to drag her onto the Millenium Falcon with the others. As they flew away, Sarah gazed mournfully back at the Death Star.

"I want my mommy," she wimpered. The princess looked up from where she had been brushing her pretty hair and sighed. She then told the young almost-Jedi what interrogation devices Darth Moyima liked to employ, thus convincing Sarah to join the Rebellian.

Darth Moyima entered her chambers and began the tedious task of removing her suit.

"Perhaps I should find some other way to look intimidating. This... thing is far too stuffy," she said in a surprisingly pretty voice. "And now, of course, the princess is probably convincing my daughter to rebel against me. Well, I'll soon put an end to that." She then went to work on plans which involved Bespin, carbon-freeze, Han Solo, and Yoda.

The End.